Inner Self
by dazedcat
Summary: Bonnie, while trying to turn Caroline into a human again, accidentally turns Katherine instead. Will humanity bring out a softer side of Katherine? One that no one's seen before? Stefan/Katherine
1. prologue

_A/N: This happens after the season 2 finale, but Katherine didn't give Damon the cure, and he's still dying. Plus Klaus didn't make Stefan go with him after all, he just made him drink the human blood and feed off that girl, then let him go (hoping he'd turn back into a ripper by himself after that, which he didn't). The prologue is in Bonnie's POV because it's the best way to explain everything._

_Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Not the characters, the setting, anything. Not even the idea (which was kindly given to me by Danielle Salvatore [check her out; she's a very good authoress]) is mine. _

**Prologue**

**Bonnie POV**

"You want me to turn you...into a human again?" I asked in disbelief.

Caroline had asked me to meet her at the Mystic Grill earlier, apparently to give me an absolutely ridiculous request. We were sitting at a booth in the corner.

Caroline smiled. "Well, I mean, you hate vampires, so it would do good to rid the world of one of them, right? And this whole vampire thing is kind of ruining my life. It sucks... and I just realized that sounded like an awful pun. But really, Bonnie, please?"

My eyebrows shot up. "Caroline, I don't think that's even possible. If it was, I would have used it by now."

Frowning, she pleaded, "Bonnie, _please_? Can't you just try? You know I'd do it for you."

I grimaced. "I'll check and see if something like that exists," I sighed in defeat. She started to squeal and stand up, probably to hug me, but I held my hands up to stop her. "_But_, Caroline, it probably doesn't. I don't want you to be disappointed if I don't find anything."

She nodded. "I won't be...but it's worth a try. I really hate this. Do you know what it feels like to _eat a bunny_?"

I held in a laugh. "No, and I hopefully never will."

She scrunched up her nose. "Hope gets you nowhere in life, Bonnie."

"Did you get that from a fortune cookie?"

"How did you guess?"

* * *

><p>Later that day I was calling Caroline.<p>

"Hello?" she asked.

"Caroline? It exists. The spell to turn you human. I'd never believe it, but it does..." I trailed off.

There was silence. Then, "Are you kidding?"

"Nope."

Caroline squealed. "Oh my God! This is great! When can you do it?"

"It needs to be done while the sun is going down, to symbolize the end of something. It doesn't matter what day, though."

"Well, there's no time like the present..." she said with a nervous laugh.

I was shocked. "You want to do it _today_?" I asked incredulously.

I heard her hum in approval through the phone. "Well, it would be nice, yes."

Shaking my head to myself, I said, "Okay then. I don't see why not. The sunset starts in about two hours, so some over around then. But I want to do it at the Boardinghouse, since my parents are home."

"Okay!" she chirped.

Tonight would be interesting, I thought. Human Caroline.

* * *

><p>I called Elena to see if I could use the Boardinghouse, and she said it was fine. She said she'd probably be upstairs the whole time with Damon, who was on his deathbed from a werewolf bite. I'd never admit it but I was slightly worried about him—just a little. But then I figured, karma had to get him eventually.<p>

Stefan had almost turned back into a monster to get him a cure, but Katherine apparently ran away with it. Klaus let Stefan go for some unknown reason—which had an ulterior motive, no doubt. Only question was what the motive was.

After the Klaus experience, Stefan wanted humanity more than ever. When he heard about me turning Caroline back, he, of course, wanted me to do it for him, too. I said I'd do it when the whole Klaus thing was over, if it worked, but that we needed him strong right now.

I was downstairs waiting for Caroline to show up, holding the wand I would have to use. I felt incredibly stupid, having to actually use a wand, but the spell book said I needed it to point at Caroline. And Grams said to never vary from what the books said, or it had consequences.

The doorbell rang, and I put the wand down. I opened the door and let Caroline in. She was nearly bursting with excitement.

"Aren't you nervous?" I asked.

She shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen?"

I snorted. "Um, death," I deadpanned.

She cocked her head. "Really? How?"

"Your body's going through a severe change. When you became a vampire, you died. So turning back into a human is...well, who knows what will happen? It's probably pretty painful."

She scowled. "Well, what's the chance of me dying?"

"Probably pretty low," I admitted. "But the chance of extreme pain is very high," I added.

She bit her cheek, considering. Then she shrugged. "Well, I can deal with pain," Caroline said positively.

"Well, then come on," I said and led her into the living room.

She took in the setting; furniture cleared, candles everywhere, wand sitting in the middle of the room.

"Is that a wand?" she somewhat sneered.

"Yes, it is. I need it for the ritual. Would you rather me cancel it?"

She shook her head. "No, no. It's just weird. I mean, a wand is so..."

"Cliche?" I suggested.

Nodding, she agreed.

I explained how the ritual would work, and she sat down in the middle of the room Indian-style, facing the door. I picked up my wand, then lit all the candles.

I stood about ten feet away from her and pointed the wand at her, channeling energy. Then I started chanting the words from the book, starting the process of turning her into a human again.

She started tensing up, and I could tell that a lot of power was entering her. I was almost done.

Suddenly there was a voice behind me, though, saying, "Well, what is going on here?"

I spun around, feeling all the power leave Caroline and come back into me. Elena—no, _Katherine_—was leaning against the wall with her eyebrows raised, a vial in her hand.

I was frozen for a moment, disoriented. Then I felt the energy push out of me again.

And straight into Katherine.

She screamed in agony and collapsed on the floor, curling into a ball. I was still frozen. I quickly recovered though and ran towards her. I wondered if this would kill her.

I heard Elena's voice approaching, asking what was wrong. I turned to her when she came down the stairs, and said, "It's Katherine..."

Her eyes widened and she ran over, too, Stefan right behind her.

"Where? What's she doing? Is that..." Elena trailed off when she saw the body on the floor.

Katherine was moaning in pain, still curled into a ball.

We all froze for a moment, wondering if we should restrain her or leave her be. She didn't exactly look in shape to hurt anyone, but this was Katherine...

"Stefan, you should hold her down," Elena suggested.

Stefan nodded and knelt down to grab Katherine, but froze.

"This is the cure... She was bringing us the cure," he said. He quickly grabbed the veil from earlier out of Katherine's hands and gave it to Elena.

"Go give this to Damon... it's the cure; it will heal the wolf bite."

Elena seemed shocked for a moment but then turned and ran up the stairs.

Suddenly Katherine stopped and rolled onto her back. I briefly wondered if she was dead but then her eyes fluttered open.

"What... Stefan? What the hell is going on here?" She started to stand up but then made a strangled noise.

She grabbed her throat like she was choking, and then her face started turning purple... but she was a vampire, she couldn't be choking. She didn't even need to breathe.

Unless...

Oh my God.

"Stefan? She can't breathe. Stefan, oh... The spell. It turned _her _human instead of me," Caroline cut in from behind me with a gasp.

Stefan looked at me with wide eyes, as if asking if it was true.

"I think it did..." I confirmed.

"Should we help her? She's suffocating," Caroline said, pointing to the choking girl.

Stefan squeezed his eyes shut, looking extremely distressed—or as distressed as Stefan could look.

He seemed to hesitate, but he bent down and slapped her on the back. "Katherine, _breathe."_

Her eyes got wider (if that was even possible) and she did as he said. She sucked in a huge gulp of air.

We all backed off.

After a moment of heavy breathing, she looked up at us.

She glared at me. _"You_!" she spat, while standing up. "You turned me into a _human_!" She said "human" like it was the most disgusting thing in the world.

I glared back. "You startled me. I turned around and _accidentally _changed you back to a human, yes. But don't act like it's my fault, Katherine. This is all on you."

She glared, but she didn't say anything. Just then Damon and Elena walked down the stairs, taking in this scene while we took in theirs. Damon looked perfectly fine—like nothing had even happened to him.

"Why is no one holding her down?" Elena asked.

"She's human," Stefan supplied.

Damon, for once, seemed shocked. "She's what?"

"Human," I clarified for Stefan. "I was turning Caroline back, but Katherine showed up so quickly, I accidentally pointed at her."

"I, for one, am extremely upset about this," Katherine cut in. "I'm human now. Which means _vulnerable_. Which is not good."

"No one cares," Damon sneered.

Katherine smiled sweetly, ignoring him. "Any chance one of you want to change me back? Come on, it's a chance to kill me."

"We could just kill you normally, you know. Since you're so _vulnerable,_" Damon said.

A flash of fear crossed her face, but only for a brief moment. "You wouldn't."

Damon smiled evilly, but didn't make a move towards her. I saw her visibly relax after a few seconds.

"Well. You're human. This is wonderful and all, but I think it's time for you to leave, Katherine," Stefan said, breaking the silence.

Katherine's eyes got wide. "You're kicking me out? When I'm like this?"

"Did you expect to _stay_?" Elena snorted. Katherine certainly brought out her nasty side.

Katherine opened her mouth, then closed it.

There was a silence.

Then Katherine spoke up. "Well, _your _friend did this to me. The least you could offer me is a place to stay and protection."

"Are you kidding?" I blurted. "It's _your fault_!"

She glared. "If I would have known you'd turn me into _this_, I wouldn't have come!"

I was about to say something else, but Caroline interrupted. "You know, maybe you should let her stay. It's not like she can really hurt anyone as a human...plus she kind of does deserve it. She came here to help, but she ended up getting something she didn't exactly sign up for..."

Everyone took this in. Katherine raised her eyebrows expectantly, and Elena said, "Caroline has a point."

Stefan sighed in defeat. "As much as I dislike you, Katherine, it's true. Thank you for helping Damon. You can stay here for a while."

Nobody protested. There was another awkward silence, and then Katherine shocked us all.

She said "Thank you."


	2. empty threats

_Author's Note: Aw, I got nice reviews. :) I kind of didn't expect that. Thank you. I had fun writing this chapter, but I don't know if Katherine seems very... Katherine-ish... It's hard to get it right with this story because I have to make her mean but a little tiny bit nice at the same time, haha. (: _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nuffin. Nada. Zip. Zero. I take no credit. _

**Katherine's Point of View**

I walked into the Boardinghouse, Klaus's blood in hand. It was easier than I had expected; all I did was stroll through the front door, which wasn't even locked.

Silly boys didn't seem to understand basic safety precautions.

Oh well. It wasn't like I was there to hurt them, anyways. Just the opposite—I was bringing the cure for Damon. He probably thought I wouldn't bring it, because of the wait I'd put him through. I made sure I didn't wait long enough for him to die, just to draw out the illness a little longer.

If you think about it, it was kind of a nice thing to do. Elena was dead and he was mourning. The sickness would distract him from his grief, or something. Right.

He was lucky I was bringing it at all.

After I gave him the blood, I was leaving town. Klaus would come back for me; I was almost positive. He let me go because he liked games even more than I did.

I was about to head up the stairs, but I heard voices in the living room. Curious, I followed the sound. It was chanting... I assumed it was that witch doing some type of spell.

I was right (of course). The witch was holding a wand and pointing at Caroline, who was sitting on the floor.

I decided to interrupt. "Well, what is going on here?" I asked in amusement.

Bonnie spun around quickly and then froze. The wand was pointed straight at me and I started to make fun of it, but suddenly I was in agony.

I screamed and fell onto the floor. It felt like I was being ripped open from the inside out, like everything inside of me was being rearranged. It _hurt. _

I vaguely recognized voices talking above me, but my they sounded far away and fuzzy. I couldn't understand them. A hand grabbed the vial of blood from my hand and I didn't try to stop them. The pain was becoming completely unbearable. I thought, for a moment, that I was dying.

Just when everything started going black, the pain stopped. There was total silence. I realized I was laying on a hard floor and tried to sit up, but then I felt pain again.

It wasn't the torturous pain from before; it was just a throbbing in my chest. It was hardly even painful compared to earlier, really, but it definitely wasn't comfortable. I grabbed my throat, wondering what the hell was going on.

Something hit me on the back and a voice that sounded like Stefan's commanded for me to breathe. Breathing was for humans, though. It was pointless for a vampire—we were dead enough to not need air. But the pain in my chest was getting worse so I took the advice. I tried to remember how to do it...

I inhaled and the pain stopped. But if breathing was necessary...then did that mean I was a human? I hated being so unsure of myself—wondering my _species_. It was ridiculous. I was a vampire, for God's sake, not some pesty human.

I looked around the room. Everything looked so fuzzy. Oh God. My senses were way too dull. I couldn't remember ever being this unclear except for when I was still human. Human...

Breathing...dull senses...Oh.

I was a _human_. But _how?_ The witch...? She pointed at me, and then pain, and then humanity. But that wasn't really important at the moment.

What mattered was now what? I was vulnerable. Easily injured. Fragile. I'd die eventually. Fear enveloped me at that thought. Death. I'd avoided it for so long, and it was finally going to happen. Just another eighty years at most... Humans had such short life spans.

Then I _realized_ that I was afraid. I hadn't been afraid in centuries... Damn humanity. It was such a terrible weakness. An _annoying_ weakness.

The fear ebbed away and was replaced with anger. I glared at the witch.

"_You!_" I accused. "You turned me into a _human_!"

"You startled me," she defended. "I turned around and accidentally turned you back into a human, yes. But don't act like it's my fault, Katherine. This is all on you."

What a little bitch. Like it was my fault that she didn't know how to contain her power? I was doing them a favor and just look what I got in return.

This is why I didn't do nice things. Being helpful, or kind or whatever, just ended with me getting myself screwed over. It didn't do any good for me—and I was my top priority. Call me selfish; but at least I was _alive_.

I'd been perfectly fine. Klaus was out of my hair for a while, even. Then I'd done something to help Damon, and was suddenly a level down on the food chain.

Damn it.

Think of the devil, Damon and... Elena... came down the stairs right then. She was supposed to be dead... Figured that they'd figure out some way to avoid the precious Elena's death.

"Why is no one holding her down?" Elena asked.

Stefan and Bonnie explained the situation. The witch was turning Caroline human, and apparently she pointed at the wrong vampire.

"I, for one, am extremely upset about this," I said, bringing the attention back to me. "I'm human. Which means vulnerable. Which is not good."

I didn't exactly expect pity or sympathy; I was just complaining. So I didn't get mad when Damon said some rude remark. I just ignored him.

I figured it couldn't hurt to ask for one of the vampires in the room to turn me, so I did, even though I was pretty sure they'd say no. "It's a chance to kill me," I tempted after my question.

"We could just kill you normally, you know," Damon sneered. "Since you're so _vulnerable_."

The fear came back. Damon really did seem serious, and he was scary when he was angry—I knew he had the ability to hurt me while I was disadvantaged like that.

I put on a brave face, and challenged, "You wouldn't."

He gave me a mean look, but thankfully didn't try anything. If he did, I'd bring up how he'd be dead without me—that would hopefully work. Even Damon wouldn't kill the person who saved his life—usually.

Then Stefan spoke up, and decided it was time for me to leave.

I was shocked. "You're kicking me out? When I'm like _this_?" I squeaked.

"Did you expect to stay?" Elena asked sarcastically.

I almost said that that was no was to talk to your ancestor, but decided against it—I would need to find a way to _actually_ stay, without being bitchy to anyone. It was the safest place to be in the Boardinghouse and I intended on staying safe until I could protect myself again.

I decided a guilt trip would probably work. I did just involuntarily give up eternal life for _Damon_, after all. So I tried.

Caroline defended me, which was a surprise. She had every reason to hate me. And even more shocking, _Elena_ agreed. Sometimes I thought she was too nice for her own good.

I'm pretty sure Damon and the witch didn't want me here, but Stefan let me stay.

I was content. For at least a little while, I'd be protected, somewhat.

"Thank you," I said. I really was grateful.

"You're...welcome," Stefan said, unsure.

I realized that was probably a very un-Katherine-ish thing to say, and grimaced. "Damn emotions," I mumbled to myself.

Caroline snickered. I glared at her and she stopped immediately. Old habits die hard, I guess. She had a deep-rooted fear of me.

"Is she really staying here? She could stake you all in your sleep," Bonnie said suddenly.

I pursed my lips, annoyed. "If I wanted them dead, I'd have killed them long, long ago. I obviously don't."

"You could have changed your mind. Now that you're human; you're probably pretty angry."

"If there's anyone in this room I want dead, it's you, witch. Not Stefan and Damon. Or even Elena for that matter."

"Too bad you can't kill me, huh?" Bonnie mocked.

I shrugged. I didn't really want her dead, anyways. A good slap in the face would suffice.

"Shouldn't you like me now? You know, now that I'm not on your 'disgusting supernatural species' list?" I said with a mean smile.

"Well this could lead to a very interesting fight and all but I'm pretty sure Bonnie would kick your ass right now, Katherine. No offense," Caroline cut in before things got carried away.

I snorted. "I'm at a temporary disadvantage," I defended.

"Temporary? We're not letting you get yourself turned again, Katherine," Stefan said.

I turned towards him. "Well, Stefan, that's none of your business. I'm not going to grow old and die, and possibly be caught and tortured by Klaus, because _you _forbid me from becoming a vampire."

"I will forcibly keep you from it if I need to," he growled. "You cause far too much trouble when you can."

"'Far too much trouble'? What, you mean for not bowing down at Elena's feet? Well forgive me for having a sense of goddamn self-preservation! Maybe you should get some too!" I exploded.

I was sick and tired of having Elena put first. Stefan was willing to _die _for her, and so was pretty much everyone else. What was so special about her? She was friendly—that's pretty much all I could see about her. Wow. Interesting.

"I love her; she comes first."

I laughed. "Please. You love her because she looks like me. Admit it; she's just a replacement because your sad little heart was broken and you needed something to fix it."

That was mean. I actually regretted saying it. I almost apologized, but caught myself before the words came out. Damn feelings were starting to weigh me down already.

"Katherine, that's enough. You're officially a guest at this house and you're being extremely rude," Elena said...or more like scolded.

I raised my eyebrows in amusement. "Oh, you're right, of course. Sorry, mommy."

She scowled.

I sighed and decided to play nice—or not so much play as actually _want _to, for some reason. "I apologize. Whatever the hell your reasons for loving _her _are none of my business. I know I'm right but if it makes you feel any better about your delusion of love than I'll keep my _extremely strong _opinion to myself," I said. That was the best they'd get out of me.

Everyone seemed shocked at my apology. Well, damn, was I really that awful?

I smirked to myself. Of course I was.

"As pathetic as that apology was, it's accepted," Stefan said. Hurray.

Cue the awkward silence.

"Well, I'm going to go now," Bonnie announced.

Caroline said she was leaving too and Damon seemed to have already sneaked out without anyone knowing.

"So where am I sleeping?" I asked when only Stefan and Elena remained. Apparently she was staying the night. Something about Jenna being dead.

Stefan said to just pick one of the many guestrooms. I shrugged and left them to whatever they were planning—probably something naughty, naughty for Miss Good Girl Elena. The thought made me cringe... who wouldn't? My lookalike relative and my ex having sex was not a nice mental picture.

I found a nice room but then realized I had no pajamas...or anything. I'd just go shopping tomorrow; I didn't feel like going to get my old stuff. Besides, shopping was fun.

I slept in my clothes, which was a little uncomfortable, but better than nothing.

I woke up in the middle of the night with my stomach growling.

Stomach. Growling.

And that meant I'd have to eat food. The thought disgusted me.

But blood wouldn't sustain me and the hollow feeling in my stomach was starting to make me feel sick, so I decided to go search the Salvatore kitchen for something that looked even a little bit appetizing.

They probably didn't have much food, but they had humans over often so I figured they had at least a little bit.

Once downstairs, I trudged to the kitchen, still half asleep. I searched the cupboards, and found a bunch of canned things and cereal.

In the kitchen I found an apple and decided to eat that. It was healthy and not nauseating to smell.

I grabbed the apple and turned around.

And gasped.

Damon was standing _right _behind me, smirking.

I put my hand on my heart. "What the hell, Damon?"

"Stealing our food?" he inquired.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm hungry and no longer having a craving for blood. So I'm making myself at home." I fake-smiled.

"At home? Kat, darling, you won't be staying long."

I narrowed my eyes. "Until I'm a vampire, I'll be around. As soon as I'm undead again, I'll be out of sight but probably _not_ out of mind."

"Or until I kill you," he threatened.

I fake laughed and stepped around him, and sat down on a chair. "You wouldn't kill me." I learned that earlier that day. Damon was all bark. "If you do, Klaus will probably be _pre-_tty pissed," I said, singing the word "pretty." "And then he'll come back here and find Elena alive, and then kill her to spite you. He'll probably kill you and Stefan too. And possibly the rest of the town," I added.

"You expect me to believe Klaus likes you enough to avenge your death?"

That made me laugh for real. "Oh, God no. I mean that if anyone gets to kill me, he wants it to be him."

He made an agreeing expression.

"Where'd you sneak off to earlier?" I asked.

"Out."

"I see."

It was quiet for a moment, the only sounds of me chewing my apple. I looked towards him but he wasn't there.

I frowned and cursed my crappy human hearing.

As soon as I was done with the apple, I threw the core away and headed back to bed. As I passed Stefan's room, I luckily didn't hear any _noises. _Either they were asleep after their little fun time or they didn't have any. I was hoping for the latter.

I slipped back under the covers of my bed and was asleep in seconds.

* * *

><p>The next morning, I woke up earlier than everyone else. The clock said it was seven thirty. When I went downstairs I sat on the couch and watched television. After about an hour, Elena came down the stairs. She looked surprised to see me.<p>

"Hi," she greeted and went into the kitchen.

I cocked an eyebrow. "Hey."

"Uh, how did you sleep...?" Elena asked.

I shrugged. "Fine."

I could have been polite and asked about her own sleep, but I wasn't in the mood to play nice, so I didn't.

She nodded her head. "Did you eat my apple?"

"Yep."

"Did it taste good?" she asked, walking towards me. She plopped next to me on the couch.

I gave her a weird look. "Sure."

"Oh."

"Any particular reason you're being polite?"

She shook her head.

I took pity on her (read: got annoyed with her). Twisting my body to face Elena, I said, "Don't pretend, then. There's no reason to be fake. Trust me, you're not the only one who hates me, anyways."

She raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. "Alright then?"

Stefan showed up then; quite suddenly, he was in front of us. "Everything okay?"

I smiled sarcastically. "Of course, darling. Everything is peachy. Amazing. Fantastic. My life could not get any better right now, actually. Seriously. I've suddenly been struck with the beauty of the world."

Elena and Stefan both just stared at me for a minute, as if I was insane.

I ignored their looks, stood up, and announced, "I'm going shopping."

"How do we know you're not headed off to find a vampire and get yourself turned?" Stefan asked suspiciously.

I didn't answer him, just asked, "Can I borrow your car?"

"Maybe we should take her," Elena suggested to Stefan, ignoring me in return. "To the store. Or just I could go with her."

I noticed how she didn't offer for just _him_ to come. Maybe she didn't trust him as much as it seemed. Or maybe she didn't trust _me_. Probably me...

"I don't want you alone with her, she could hurt you," said Stefan. "We can all go."

"Oh, a shopping spree with the two people I just love spending time with most!" I squealed with mock enthusiasm. "Are you seriously putting me on suicide watch? I can't be trusted to just go buy some _clothes _without—"

And then right there, in the middle of my rant, everything just _went black. _I fainted.

It happened so quick. I always thought that when humans passed out, they were dizzy and stumbling for a while, and _then _theactual fainting occurred. But it wasn't like that. It was unexpected and sudden and _fast_.

I didn't even feel when I hit the floor.


	3. french fries and shopping

I woke up dazed and confused, which was understandable. I didn't quite remember what had happened; especially because I was mostly focused on the fact that my head was throbbing.

I vaguely realized I was laying somewhere cushioned, on my back. That had to mean I probably hadn't been kidnapped or thrown into some kind of dungeon. My ears caught on to a conversation, seemingly in another room. I was surprised I could hear it.

"People don't generally just faint out of the blue like that," said one of the voices. It was female, and after a moment I recognized it as my own-or, well, Elena's.

"It's probably just a side effect of being turned back to human. That's a shock to the system," Stefan's voice reasoned.

"I know, that's probably it, but we can't have her falling unconscious at random intervals. How long will this last, do you think?" Elena asked.

Then I remembered. I'd been talking to Stefan and Elena, and had, as Elena put it, fainted out of the blue. That explained the killer headache. I figured it was safe to open my eyes, so I did. I was on the couch in the Boardinghouse.

I sat up and grabbed my head, feeling a large bump on the back left.

Stefan and Elena walked in then. "Hey, you're awake. Are you alright?" Elena asked, a concerned expression on her face.

I rolled my eyes. "Other than the fact that my head is about to explode? Yeah, perfect."

"I have aspirin, if you want. I don't know if it'll help much, though."

I denied the aspirin. Medicine weirded me out a little bit.

"Do you know what that was?" Stefan asked.

"You said it yourself. Probably just some stupid side effect of being human. And, as Elena said, I can't make a habit of it. But I think I know of a solution," I said coyly.

"If that solution involves you becoming a vampire yet again, then just stop talking now," he sighed exasperatedly.

I glared.

"Maybe it's temporary. Or just a one-time thing. Maybe it was caused by something else entirely, like hunger," Elena commented. She was too optimistic.

"And maybe it's not, and I'll spend the rest of my painfully boring, average, short, mortal life just randomly losing consciousness in the middle of conversations."

"_Maybe_ you should look on the bright side for once," Elena growled.

"Maybe _you_ should quit being so obnoxiously peppy," I ground out.

"And maybe both of you should lower your hackles," Stefan cut in.

"And maybe you should mind your own business," Elena said, hand on hip.

"_I_, for one, find this incredibly amusing," said Damon from the other side of the room. His habit of appearing out of nowhere was something everyone was used to by now.

We all turned to glare at him. I stood up; my headache was pretty much gone by now, though the bump still ached a bit. I'd had much worse in my time, though.

"Well, I was going shopping before, correct? I think I'll be on my way," I said, trying to make my exit seem casual.

Unfortunately, it didn't go unnoticed. "How do we know you won't run away?" asked Stefan yet again.

"I'm not your prisoner, and I don't need a babysitter. It's not like I can find a vampire to turn me in the three or four hours I plan on being gone, anyways."

"Look, just please let me come with you _alone._" Elena said. "I'll stay out of your hair and everything."

I closed my eyes in frustration. It was like my words went in one ear and out the other. "You know what? Fine, come along. Try and explain to everybody why there's two of you."

Elena groaned. "Oh, God, I forgot about that. We can go out of town somewhere, though. It's not like Mystic Falls has a great selection of clothes anyways," she pointed out. "And, you don't have a car, remember? You have to do this our way."

My fists balled in anger. "Okay, Elena, have it your way. We can even get manicures and talk about all the juiciest gossip if you want."

"I think I'll pass on that part. Now, I'll go get changed, and we can go."

I threw myself back down on the couch. Elena bothered me, for so many reasons. She was too nice, too happy, too stupid. And she was bossy. People telling me what to do was just not okay. Not to mention she pretty much stole Stefan from me.

"I'm not sure if this is a good idea," Stefan said.

"Agreed," I mumbled.

"I just wish I could watch," Damon said, amused. I'd forgotten he was there.

Elena bounded down the stairs then, dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and Converse. I sighed.

"Ready?" she asked.

I stood back up from the couch. "I'm driving," I told her, in a tone that left no room for argument. She shrugged.

"Can we stop to eat somewhere?" she asked once we were a fair enough distance from Mystic Falls.

I made a disgusted face. "No." Then my stomach growled.

Elena laughed. "Come on, you're hungry too. Is that apple all you've eaten?"

"Yep."

"You need food. Everyone loves French fries," she tried to tempt me.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever." I didn't feel like fainting from hunger.

We pulled over to some fast food restaurant, deciding to eat inside. I ended up getting a salad and, due to Elena's insistence, fries. She got some disgusting greasy hamburger type thing and fries.

I ate the salad first. It really wasn't that bad.

Hesitantly, I picked up a fry. It was greasy and I couldn't imagine it tasting nearly as good as Elena made it sound.

Elena's laugh interrupted my disgusted staring. "You're looking at it like it's a dirty diaper or something."

"It might as well be," I grumbled. Then I took a hesitant bite.

Okay, so it wasn't really disgusting, to my surprise. It was actually pretty good.

Elena was grinning in victory. "I told you they're awesome."

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. "Of course, it's not the best thing I've ever tasted, but it's not horrible, either," I admitted.

We finished our food and made our way to the mall.

Shopping was one of my favorite past times. Modern clothes were definitely my favorite, out of all the trends I'd been alive to see.

Thankfully, Elena knew better than to suggest clothes for me. She didn't look around much herself, either, though.

"What's your problem? This is a mall. It's supposed to be teenage girl heaven," I said while I was looking at shoes.

"The stores you shop in aren't really my style."

I rolled my eyes. It was true; I dressed way... edgier than her. She usually wore t shirts and sneakers. Ew. "The stores I shop in are mature. And sexy. You know, Elena, considering you look like me, you're pretty hot. And you know what they say: If you got it, flaunt it."

She just shook her head. Whatever, I thought. Not my problem she dressed like a hobo.

By the end of our little trip, I'd gotten almost an entire new wardrobe. I was quite pleased with myself.

When we got back to the Boardinghouse, Stefan was nowhere to be seen, same as Damon. They were probably off hunting-Stefan for cute little forest animals, Damon for slutty girls. Elena went home, saying something about how Alaric was at their house or something. It effectively ruined the whole point of her going shopping with me, since I ended up being left alone anyways.

About five minutes after she left, I got bored. See, the thing about me is, it's not usually good for other people when I'm bored. I had absolutely no one to bother, seduce, or eat, so I decided to snoop.

Unfortunately, that didn't work so well either. After finding out that Stefan and Damon kept things locked up nice and neat, I sulked around for a while. Anything and everything that could be possibly be even slightly interesting was locked away or hidden, and unfortunately, I'd never learned the art of picking locks, because I was so used to the supernatural strength I used to have. God, being human was just a miserable experience all around.

Then I remembered something Damon always had in stock. Alcohol. I grinned to myself. No one was around, Klaus was most likely off my back for a while, and I was bored-what better to do than get wasted?

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: I'M SO SORRY. It's been forever, and I don't really have an excuse at all. I just got lazy and bored. And this chapter's pretty short, too. Thing is, I don't really have a plan for this story. I'm just going with the flow. So I really don't know what's going to happen, but I'll try to not take months in between updates anymore. <strong>


	4. slightly intoxicated

When I said I "wasted," I meant it.

I was literally a giggling, tripping-over-my-own-feet, total mess when Stefan walked through the front door of the boarding house.

"Steffie!" I cried excitedly. I attempted to get up from my place on the floor, but lost my balance and fell backwards onto my butt. Of course, it was hilarious at the time, so I burst into laughter.

"You're drunk," he said, seeming to find it extremely amusing.

"Whaaaat? No!" I defended. Then I let out a giggle. "'Kay, maybe just a little. Hey, don't blame me, this town is sooo boring," I whined.

"Then why'd you come to it?"

"Well, duh, for you! I told you and told you, but you never believe me," I slurred with a pout.

He sighed and came over towards me. "I think that maybe it's time for bed."

"Oh, I like that idea," I said with a wink.

"Time for _you _to go to bed. Alone," he clarified.

"That's no fun."

"Sure it is. Come on," he said, then stuck out a hand to help me up.

I grabbed it and tried to get up, but lost my balance again, and just slid forward until I was in an awkward sitting position next to his leg.

He chuckled. I loved his laugh. He was usually all brooding and gloomy, so I didn't hear it often.

Stefan seemed to decide getting me on my feet just wasn't going to happen, so he picked me up bridal style. Of course, I was never one to let an opportunity pass, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. He smelled nice.

After a few minutes, I was being dumped onto my bed. Or well, Stefan _tried _to dump me onto my bed. I clung to his neck.

He pried my fingers off and pulled the blanket out from under me, and threw it over my body.

"Night, Stef," I called sleepily as he left the room.

"Goodnight, Katherine," he answered, and I promptly fell asleep.

* * *

><p>I woke up being shaken, with a really bad hangover.<p>

"Whoever you are, get the hell off of me," I demanded. The shaking stopped.

I slowly opened my eyes, then glanced to the clock near my bed. It was 5:00 a.m. Elena was sitting on the side of my bed, grinning cheerily.

"Normally I'd ask what was wrong with you to be up at this ridiculous hour, but in this case, I'm just going to go back to sleep," I said and rolled so I wasn't facing her.

"Nuh-uh. You're getting up and getting packed." Elena grabbed my shoulder and rolled me onto my back.

That caught my attention. I opened one eye. "Packed for what?"

"A road trip."

My expression was most likely a mixture of disbelief, anger, and plain old confusion.

"You're not serious," was my reply.

"I'm seriously serious. It was Caroline's idea. Her, Bonnie, Stefan, Damon, myself, and now you, are all coming," she nodded. "It's a celebration. Since we're pretty much safe now."

"No."

"Okay, look, you sort of have no choice. See, there's five of us who will gladly take you along forcibly. It's not like we can leave you alone in Mystic Falls. God knows what havoc you'd wreak."

"I guess you'll have to force me then, because there is no way in hell I am willingly going anywhere with all of you," I snapped with a glare. "I'm hungover and tired and most certainly not in a good mood."

She raised her eyebrows. "Why are you hungover?" she inquired suspiciously.

"Well, you know, mostly because I was drinking last night," I said sarcastically.

She gave me a disapproving look that I ignored. "Anyways, I don't want to go either, you know. Stefan doesn't, either. Damon's only going to cause mischief and Bonnie's just doing it to make Caroline happy."

"Is that supposed to make me change my mind?"

"No. Just empathizing. Guess we'll do it the hard way, though." She got up and walked slowly out of the room, glancing back at me with each step.

I rolled my eyes and prepared myself for what was sure to come next. True to Elena's word, she came back with Caroline, Stefan, and Bonnie. Damon was missing, as usual.

"Katherine!" Caroline scolded. I winced. Her shrill, obnoxious voice wasn't doing any good for my aching head. "It's not like we want you along. You're kind of bad company. And, well, you're a bitch. But you're the one who asked to stay at the Boardinghouse. This is what comes along with it. And I mean, it's only a week, so-"

"Where are you even going?" I interrupted her rant.

"New York City," Caroline said, an excited gleam appearing in her eye. "The City That Never Sleeps."

I hesitated. As much as I hated these people, I adored NYC. The lights, the clubs, the stores, the crowds; I loved everything about it. And I could just ditch them when we got there.

"Actually," I started, noticing everyone was staring at me expectantly, "no need for force. I'll come."

Caroline sighed in relief, and the rest of the room just eyed me suspiciously.

"What?" I asked innocently. "I happen to like New York. Now get out so I can pack."

Bonnie, Caroline, Stefan, and Elena all exchanged looks before finally leaving.

I swore when I realized I didn't have a suitcase. I'd have to borrow someone else's.

Stefan was packing his suitcase when I entered his room (without knocking, of course).

"Hello, Stefan," I sing-songed.

"What is it, Katherine?" he sighed exasperatedly.

"I come with a purpose. Happen to have an extra suitcase laying around?"

He looked up from folding a shirt. "No, but I think Elena does. Caroline might, too."

I frowned at that. Asking Elena a favor wasn't really something I wanted to do. Asking Caroline a favor was simply out of the question.

"Elena has aspirin, too. You're probably pretty hungover," Stefan said. He was trying to be helpful, but all he did was make me remember that my head _hurt_.

"Thanks for reminding me!" I snapped and stormed out of the room.

I opened Elena's already slightly ajar door and said, "I need a suitcase and aspirin."

She was facing away from me, and when I spoke, she spun around gasping.

"Way to give me a heart attack!" she exclaimed.

"Suitcase? Aspirin?" I repeated. ignoring her outburst. "Do you want me to come on this trip or not?"

"No, but I want you in town alone even less," she answered, reaching under her bed for a boring black duffel bag and tossing it at me.

She reached into her purse and just gave me the whole bottle of aspirin. I briefly wondered if she thought I was stupid enough to take enough to overdose. She didn't seem like the murdering type, but you never know with Petrovas.

I left without another word and went to pack up. After taking the aspirin, I changed out of the clothes I'd slept in and into a black off-shoulder shirt, black skinny jeans, and black stiletto ankle boots; I brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, then started putting things into the bag. I stuffed toothpaste, a toothbrush, all my make up, a hairbrush, curling iron, and about half of my clothes into the duffel bag, then headed down the stairs.

Everyone else was sitting around, seemingly waiting for me.

I was used to not being liked, but seriously, as soon as I walked into the room, everyone's face just fell. It was kind of depressing.

"You all look happy to see me," I teased.

Elena and Caroline at least tried to look a little happier. Stefan, Damon, and Bonnie just ignored me.

"So. Let's get this show on the road," Caroline squealed excitedly, her smile real this time. Her excitement was almost refreshing, compared to everyone else's major lack of enthusiasm.

As soon as I walked out the door and saw a minivan - yeah, a serious _minivan, _I stopped walking and gave the offending vehicle an 'is-this-seriously-what-has-become-of-my-life' stare.

I rationalized with myself that we all couldn't fit into a normal car and that this was necessary.

Caroline was the only one willing to drive the thing, so she had the first driving shift. Elena sat in the front passenger seat, Stefan and Damon sat in the two middle row seats, and I was stuck in the back with the witch.

We'd been driving for about an hour when Caroline decided it was time to eat. We stopped at a Cracker Barrel for us humans to eat breakfast.

The hostess lead us to our table, smiling a big fake grin. I sat in between Caroline and Damon, with Stefan, Bonnie, and Elena across from us.

I ordered pancakes, and accidentally poured too much syrup on them.

"So..." Caroline started after an awkward silence that had started after we'd all ordered. "We're going to New York! Why is everyone so down?"

I decided not to point the obvious fact that we didn't get along, Elena's aunt had just died, and that the crazy bitch who'd tried to ruin all their lives (AKA me) was sitting eating pancakes with them.

"We're not down," Bonnie tried to be comforting. "We're just a little tense. It's not like we're BFFs, you know."

"But come on. This is New York. It has, like, everything. We're gonna go clubbing and visit museums and have a blast!" Caroline insisted. I made a face at the mention of museums. Some of the stuff there was younger than me.

I grinned, though. It'd been a while since I visited New York, and I missed it.

Caroline noticed my smile. "See, even Katherine's excited!"

"Of course," I agreed. "Clubs, boys, shopping. What's not to love?"

_Ooh, _I thought excitedly. _Boys. Possibly the best part of it all. _

Vampire or not, breaking hearts was always fun.

I was struck with an idea. See, I'd tried just about everything to get Stefan's attention. Seduction, kindness, honesty, lies. But never jealousy. If I could get a boy toy in New York (the 'if' I used right there was pretty pointless, really), drag him around with me, and subtly wave him in Stefan's face, then maybe jealousy would do the trick.

"I know that face," Damon whispered while the others at the table were talking to each other. "You're up to something."

I smiled wickedly. "When am I not up to something?"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Okay, so, I felt really bad about not updating in forever, so I put this up in like super-speed time. <strong>

**Oh, and I'm thinking of changing the name of the story. It's like, the title's good, but it kind of doesn't feel like it fits the story (or, well, what I have planned for the story ((oh yeah, I have plans now! Sort of)). I don't know what I'd change it to though. I need to think about that. :) **


	5. new york new york

Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries or Cracker Barrel.

* * *

><p>Back in the car, seating arrangements were changed. Caroline was still driving, but Bonnie was in the front passenger seat, Damon and I were in the middle row, and Elena and Stefan were in the back.<p>

Sitting in a minivan was a really crappy experience. I felt like some kid on the way to soccer practice. It was funny though; Damon looked almost as uncomfortable as me. He thought he was so badass, and riding around in a minivan was just... un-badass. It was one of those things where I wanted to take a picture and taunt him for a very, very long time with it.

"We should play a game," Caroline suggested.

"You're driving," I pointed out. Crashing and dying wasn't part of my plan for the trip.

She glanced at me in a way that clearly said, _duh, I know that._

"It can be a word game." She gasped. "Ooh, like the one with the story! You know, everyone adds a word."

After a lot of convincing, and whining, and more convincing, she had everyone to agree to play the ridiculous game of hers. I love games, usually, but this was the type of game that no one won, and that's just boring.

"Yay! It can go me, Bonnie, Damon, Katherine, Stefan, Elena, then back around. 'Kay, here it goes: Once," she started.

"Upon," continued Bonnie grudgingly.

"A."

"Time," I sighed.

"There."

"Was?" Elena said un-surely.

"A."

"... Um, princess."

I rolled my eyes. Original. Very original.

Damon said, "That."

I tried to think of something that would at least make it a little more interesting, but gave up after a second. "Kept."

"Her," Stefan said.

Elena paused to think. "Favorite."

Caroline grinned. "Necklace."

The story went on like this: "... in a box next to her bed. The box had a key hidden in a very secret place that no one ever knew. If the necklace was taken from the box the princess would die. She fell in love with a boy, told him where the necklace was, but he turned out to be a jackass and betrayed her. He took the necklace from the box. The end."

Caroline was disappointed with the story's outcome. She'd wanted a happy ending, but then again, don't we all? I grinned to myself at my moment of wisdom.

By the time the sun was setting, Caroline got tired of driving. We stopped at a gas station. Caroline and I both went to the bathroom (which was, by the way, disgusting and smelling of feces), Stefan filled the tank with gas, and Elena bought snacks for everyone. We decided we wouldn't stop at a motel and would just go through the night. Bonnie had next driving shift.

Back in the car, we once again switched places. This time, Bonnie drove, Elena sat in the passenger seat again, Caroline and Damon had middle row, and I got the back with Stefan. Finally.

An hour later, Elena, Damon, and Stefan were sleeping, Caroline was texting away on her phone, and Bonnie was still driving.

I decided to sleep, too. I leaned my head on the window, then thought, _Duh, Stefan's next to you, idiot. _

I looked at him, trying to make sure he was really sleeping, then gently laid my head on his shoulder. He woke up and pushed me off. I frowned "in my sleep" and put my head back on the window. Shame he was such a light sleeper.

I woke up three hours later. The radio was on, Stefan was awake, and Caroline asleep. I yawned and stretched the best I could in my cramped space. Ugh, sitting in a car doing nothing was dreadfully boring.

"So, the Big Apple," I said to Stefan. He turned to me from facing out the window. "I know how much you love big cities. Big crowds, lots of muggers... so easy for people to go missing." I waggled my eyebrows dramatically.

"Not anymore, Katherine."

I sighed. "You know, you can be pretty boring."

"I'd rather bore people than kill them," he said simply.

"Ew, but why?" I asked with a wrinkle in my nose.

He just turned back to look out the window.

I poked his shoulder. "I was only kidding. Loosen up."

Stefan ignored me. That went on for the next hour or so - me annoying him, him ignoring me.

Eventually, Bonnie got tired of driving and gave the job up to Elena. I sat in the front, this time. I was dead asleep when I felt the car slide onto those annoying metal things on the side of the road - the ones that make that grinding, vibrating noise.

I jumped up, and so did everyone else in the car. Including Elena, who'd apparently fallen asleep while driving.

"_That _was responsible of you," I criticized sarcastically after she'd pulled over. "You could have killed us!"

"I'm so sorry, guys. I just - ugh, I don't know what even happened. I'm sorry," she apologized, her eyes filled with tears.

"It's okay," said Stefan. "It was a mistake. No one's mad at you."

"Actually, I'm pretty pissed," I corrected. He gave me a 'please-shut-up-now' look. I rolled my eyes and complied.

"I'll drive," Stefan said to Elena. "You can sit in the back and sleep, okay?"

I almost gagged. He was talking to her like she was a baby - that is _not _how boyfriends and girlfriends should act. I mean, she just nearly killed all of us. If I was dating someone who almost got me killed, I couldn't be cooing and shushing them, that's for damn sure.

Then I had an interesting thought - maybe I was just too insensitive. No one else was looking disgusted, only me. And it's not like this was news. I knew I was a bitch. But I almost felt like I didn't understand, for a moment - why was I the only one who seemed upset about this? Elena just came this close to killing everyone in that car, and yet, no one seemed nearly as angry as they should have been.

I figured that it was just Elena - Little Miss Perfect could do no wrong, in their eyes.

She and Stefan switched places, and soon Elena was fast asleep, along with Damon, Bonnie, and Caroline. I was tired physically, but mentally, I was wide awake. Mostly for the fact that I kept getting some pretty rude awakenings.

* * *

><p>The sun came up soon after that, and we ate breakfast from a drive-through. We got to New York City later that day, but traffic was awful, of course, so by the time we got to the hotel we were staying at, it was about eight p.m.<p>

There were three rooms, each with two beds, so unfortunately, I was getting a roommate. They boys were sharing a room (though I doubted Damon would sleep in it very much), so we ladies were to decide who was rooming with who.

Bonnie and Elena immediately clung to each other, because, well, they didn't want to be stuck with me or Caroline. That was fine by me. Caroline was my first choice. And that's _not_ saying much; I still hated her, just not as much as I hated Bonnie and Elena.

"I call the bed by the window!" Caroline yelled as soon as we stepped through the threshold to our room. She also started babbling about how we should all go sightseeing, because apparently it's "funnest" when it's dark.

Ugh. She'd better not talk this much all the time, I thought. "Okay, well, _you _have fun with your lovely pg-13 rated activities, while I go find some real entertainment."

"What do you mean 'real entertainment'?" she asked curiously.

"The night life of New York is world famous," I answered. "What do you think I mean?"

Her face lit up in excitement. "Ooh, can I come?"

"Uh, no."

"Please please please?" she pouted. "I'm a vampire, therefore helpful. I can compel us into clubs and stuff."

That was actually kind of a good point. I hesitated. Finally, I said yes, with a list of conditions that she happily complied to.

"Well, let's get ready!" Caroline squealed.

* * *

><p>AN - Okay, so I'm doing NaNoWriMo, and I probably won't be able to put much focus into this story, since I'm writing my own original novel for the month. I'll try to update when I can, but no promises.


	6. author's note

So I've kind of looked back on this story and realized I really don't like where it's going. I started writing it a long time ago and my writing was pretty bad (not that it's all that great now).

So what I'm gonna do is give this story away to continue. I've already got a few people in mind, I'll add another author's note to let you know who sometime soon. :)


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